Notes from
the practice.
Essays on triggers, repair, desire, grief and self-mastery — the same material taught inside Relationship Mastery, written down.
A Trigger Is Not an Emotion
We use the word for anything unpleasant. But a trigger is something narrower and far more useful: the activation of a coping mechanism written a long time ago.
Repair Is a Skill, Not a Feeling
Rupture is guaranteed in any relationship worth having. What separates couples who last is not the absence of rupture. It is a repair practice they can perform on a bad day.
Why Closeness Can Dull Desire
Safety and desire draw on different currents. Understanding that they are not the same nutrient is the beginning of getting both back into the same room.
Grieving the Relationship You Imagined
Some of the disappointment in your relationship isn't about your partner. It's about a version of the story you're still waiting to arrive.
When Control Is Doing Love's Job
Control almost always begins as care. It becomes a problem when it takes over work that only trust can do.
Self-Mastery Comes First
Couples therapy is often individual therapy done together. Growth begins when we stop auditing our partner and start examining our own contribution.
